I was driving home a few weeks ago from visiting my Grandma, her health had taken a turn for the worse. As I left that afternoon, I knew it was the last time I would see her alive. It was a still, grey day, the pavement almost blended in with the sky. I felt absolutely exhausted….exhausted emotionally, exhausted physically, exhausted spiritually. You see, it had been a long few months. The men had been engulfed with harvest for weeks, my grandpa had passed away just a few weeks prior and my to-do list and obligations were overwhelming.
I was tired of the façade. The façade of the cheerful wife, managing everything at home while not complaining as her husband put in long hours in the field. The tireless mom, whom kept giving even when though all she wanted was just a few minutes to herself. The strong daughter, trying to be an encouraging light to her family during their sadness. The façade of “Super Mom” who had it pulled together.
That day, all I wanted to do was just go home, crawl into my bed, cover up with a big blanket and disappear from the world for however long it took for this to pass. But, of course, life carries on and that wasn’t an option.
As I was driving down that endless grey highway, my mind was empty, almost a feeling of being numb, because when you are in Super Mom mode, you can’t let anything get to you…it might break the façade. 🙂
The radio was on and it caught my attention. A song I had never heard before. The lyrics spoke to me:
Come out of sadness, from wherever you’ve been.
Come broken hearted, let rescue begin.
Come find your mercy, oh sinner come kneel.
Earth has no sorrow, that heaven can’t heal
So lay down your burdens. Lay down your shame.
All who are broken, lift up your face.
Oh wanderer come home. You’re not too far.
So lay down your hurt, lay down your heart.
Come as you are
It was as though the song was written just for me, for that exact moment. My heart was heavy and I had been trying to manage and carry this all on my own. I just started sobbing, you know, the kind of cry that you never want anyone to see. 🙂
Although, it was something I already knew, I needed that reminder.
I didn’t need to hide under a big blanket; God would provide me the strength I need.
Do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
He would provide me with the rest I need,
Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
He would heal my sadness.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3
He would provide me encouragement.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for prosper and not for harm, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
I didn’t need to keep up the façade, I didn’t need to carry it all on my own….it’s ok to struggle. Super Mom’s need not apply – He wants us to come exactly as we are. Come broken, come tired, come hopeless and imperfect. Lay down our hearts to Him and come just as we are.
Are you tired? Do you want to give up the façade? Looking for hope and encouragement? Lay it down to the Lord….let your rescue begin. That’s the beauty of God’s Grace, it’s simple. You do not have to earn it, you just need to ask for it. If you are wondering about how you can receive His grace, you can read about it here or feel free to contact me, I can guide you.
By the way, I did get to go home and fall into bed, it just happened to be a twin size bed with a three year old little princess crowding me and hogging the covers. But guess what? It was all I needed.